May 2011, Chandigarh.
I had left my earlier company of four years and was searching for a new one with full vigour. Every morning, I would get up, dress up in my formals and used to visit those petty job consultants and other companies for interviews with sun blazing overhead. Every passing day took a bit of me with itself. Summing up, a pretty frustrating time. Life seemed to be at its lowest ebb, but still, hopes of getting through those times and prospects of happy days ahead livened me every morning and with every failure in the evening, I would console myself by saying “things always get worse before they get better” Its times like these when we know about our true self, when we start appreciating life, when we start acknowledging the happiness we get from living every moment of our lives. For most of the time, we are alone, thinking about our mistakes in past, watching others excel in their worlds, in other words a perfect front row seat in a game called “life”.
Outside, on my way to bus stand, there was a pavement alongside the road. It was cemented one, with equally spaced trees on it. There used to be a beggar there on it, usually sleeping on a dirty blanket with his head resting on one of the bricks circling around the trees. He was around fifty but looked much older due to a fully wrinkled face. He had small eyes, shrunk in his eye sockets, a thin nose and a long beard. He used to wear a patched grey shirt with a checked lungi, and going by his appearance, he din’t looked like a regular bather too.
I was living there for the past two years and I wondered why I hadn’t noticed him earlier. Maybe because , like I said earlier, I was too busy to notice things in my life earlier. In the first look, he looked like an ordinary beggar but as I walked past him every day for my job pursuits, a kind of cosmic energy engulfed me everytime…..giving me an air of positivity. There was something about him. Unlike others, he never begged to anyone, but was just lying there whole day. I used to pass that pavement everyday and to this day I don’t have any clue why my curiosity about that beggar kept rising. Each day, , I would pass him, staring him and wondering who that guy was….meybe he was some kind of secret agent from CBI….or maybe from CIA…those guys nose around everywhere…I used to wonder. There was this growing urge inside me, which everyday pumped me up to say hi to him, whenever I passed him.
It was a Monday evening one day and I had just crashed out in another interview, for which I was preparing for last full two weeks. I was devastated and had walked right from sector 17 to Manimajra, an around 10 kms walk in utter confusement. I was engrossed in my agony and had no idea about how much I had walked when suddenly a voice from behind asked me;
Beta, time kitna hua? (what’s the time, son? )
I looked around at the source of the voice. It was him, at his usual position, in his usual attire.
Its 6:43 pm, I said.
I hadn’t talked to anyone in last two weeks except to my interviewers that day. My heart felt kind off heavy. Freshly booted out from the interview, I was in a deep anaesthetic state. My feet were aching due to continuous walking. I don’t know why. But I just stood there. I wanted to move but it felt like suddenly gravity below my feet had increased tenfold. I sat there on the pavement, facing road, with my head resting on my hands.
You okay son, he asked.
Yeah….am fine.. just a bit tired…I said.
I was looking at the traffic, at the people, moving helter skelter towards their destinations. On the opposite side of road was the weekly vegetable market, brimming with life. I sensed that he was still looking at me from behind, probably studying me, trying to find what was wrong.
Seems like a nice view from here, watching everybody move…I said.
Yeah…actually…kind of..it is..he said.
Don’t worry!!, things will be fine….he said calmly.
Yeah.. they always do, I said…it’s the uncertainty of their happening which bothers me.
Well, life will teach you that also..he said smilingly.
Hmmmm…its one hell of a teacher anyway…..it first tests you, then teaches you…I said
So, what is it about? He asked
Had an interview today, was preparing since last two weeks, only to find out that they hired someone with contacts…damn people, I said.
These things are bound to happens…gods will keep testing you with stuff like that. You just have to do your karma, else he’ll take care of, he said, pointing his finger towards sky.
Don’t know, I don’t really buy this Karma shit and there is no god watching over here either. Here men rule boy, we make our own destinies with our hands, doing goods and bads…well !!, it doesn’t matters here. In the end you become the mirror of what you have done. It’s been happening around for the past three months in my case. I just try doing my work but always something bad comes up…over which I have no control, I said.
I can understand yours position … beginning of professional life , rough challenges, a few failures in the beginning after a careless childhood…and now suddenly life seems hell… he said.
You know, he added, it’s the times like these when we are tested by gods…..it’s the times like these which show us our mettle…about what we can do on our own and what we might end up becoming later in our lives.
Both of us were silent for some time after this. Night was darkening around, street lights were turned on by authorities. Traffic was still moving there with full life. After a brief pause I said;
Sometimes I feel like running into my parents lap once again, crying…. Complaining them about how much I hate this world…. About how much I am afraid of this world here so far away from home…but alas!! Am too big to do that now….i said smilingly.
Kid, this world is also big enough to do your things, he smiled back….and loving enough to play into…just you have to figure out what you want to play and like they say, when a man’s fight is with himself, he’s worth something. You don’t have to worry about the world, its yourself, you have to look into. World has enough problems for itself to worry about right now.
He seemed quite a good guy. Indirectly, he had told me to set my act right.
I have another interview on coming Saturday…. I’ll give my best shot this time..i said..
Yeah, I know you will…he said…. And don’t worry, you’ll be through this time, just work hard and leave rest upto the gods… they are always watching and they always take care.
I smiled at that.
You really don’t trust gods…he said.
Well, let’s see what happens, I said getting up.
After that day, I used to come down to that footpath every evening for an hour or two and we used to chat everyday. Really, there was something amazing about that guy. Monetarily, he was a beggar. But by his sheer intellect, he could have given the best a run for their money.
Come Saturday, it was my big day and I nailed it that time. Heading back, I got a blanket and a pizza (sounded crazy) and went joyfully to that pavement. But to my utmost horror, he was no where to be seen. Believing that he would be back soon, I waited there for two hours, but nothing happened.
I checked back later in the night also and in the following evening also, but he never showed up again. I couldn’t understand what I meant. Earlier that week, he had told me that everything happens for some purpose. Many times , we are unable to understand about the occurrence of things , but still there is a purpose there always.
I wasn’t able to find any purpose in that case…. Maybe gods, whom I refuted so much, were there…who just happen to come down into our lives as unknown faces, when we need them them the most.
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